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The Army Recruiter was here to take my son, Casey -- my second child and obedient son who didn't like pain, that never caused me any real trouble and who still looked like a boy to me -- to Boot Camp. His parting promise was he'd be back in four years. This is the day I became a Military Mom.
Twelve weeks later, 18 year-old Casey graduated from Boot Camp with honors. Three months later he was flying to Germany and stationed with the 501st Military Intelligence Battalion. Then on May 2, 2003 Casey called to tell me goodbye as he had been deployed to Iraq. I had dreaded this possible moment and now it was here. There are no words to express how I felt.
The weeks came and went and nothing but silence from Casey. The dreams started. I was in Iraq, dressed in camouflage and dodging bullets while I shouted to Casey, "Get back! Keep your head down!" Sometimes he was a child again and I could stand between him and harm's way as a literal human shield -- an impossible task with the six-foot-four-inch man he actually was.
On any given day, you could ask me the number of military fatalities in Iraq and I could tell you. I knew where the last roadside bomb had exploded and how many soldiers had been injured in the blast. Even after I'd worn weary and jaded with time, I'd still wait anxiously when the death of a soldier was announced and breathe a sigh of relief when I heard the soldier was from another division...immediately followed by a wave of guilt, knowing it was someone's son or daughter who had died. Nights were the worst. Sometimes after a day of fierce battles in Iraq, I'd lie in bed listening for a vehicle pulling into my driveway. The worry was so intense at times I could almost hear the purr of an automobile engine, the slam of the car doors, the clicking heels of polished shoes coming up the steps to my front door.
The internet was an incredible asset. Each Battalion has a "Family Readiness Group" to log on to and read information, when available, about our soldier's activities. There were letters from the Commanding Officers and, sometimes, photos posted on the site. We were thrilled to find many pictures of Casey posted there.
Then finally an e-mail found its way to us. What a relief to know he was still alive and what tremendous joy to know he would be home for a mid-deployment leave in October 2003! While he was home he purchased a laptop computer. Later in Iraq he added a wireless card. Casey was surprised to find it worked, though not often enough for all of us. Phone calls from Casey were a rare occurrence. There were few telephones available in Iraq, and were shared by thousands of soldiers who were eager to call their spouses and children. When Casey did call I found conversation somewhat difficult. What do you say to a guy whose life is on the line every moment of every day? "Hey Casey, we bought new patio furniture" or "whoa, you should see the snow coming down right now." Well that's exactly what I did! There wasn't too much Casey could tell me, since his work was in Military Intelligence. I did paint pictures of the home and family he left behind. He'd listen politely and respond briefly (Casey is a man of few words) and ended every call with "I love you". I'd hang up feeling helpless and empty, wanting to do more, but also relieved because for that very moment, I knew he was alive.
Casey described Iraq as a hot, dry and dirty place with a culture very different from our own. He told us about the people, the cities and how increasing numbers of Iraqi citizens resented the intrusion of our military personnel. There was one incident with the Humvee Casey was driving on patrol. It was hit--but fortunately not destroyed--by a roadside bomb. Casey waited three months before telling me but I already had the details from his older brother by then. (Note to anyone starting a family - it pays to have more than one child. They can't resist tattling on each other at any age.)
I sobbed with overwhelming relief when Casey called in July 2004 telling me he was coming home for 12 days before returning to the base in Germany. His nearly 15-month long deployment was over! While he was home, Casey received orders to return to Iraq in February 2005. I sputtered, angry and shocked, and shouted something like "who can I write to??" Casey just laughed and said, "It's okay Mom. This is my job." At that moment I realized my boy was now a responsible, admirable young man with a sense of duty. Evidently, that quiet, risk-averse child of yesterday was only a cover for a man of formidable strength and character.
I don't know what Casey will do when his four year enlistment is over in May 2006. He's light years ahead of his peers in maturity and life experience now, and I can't see him reintegrating with them and becoming just another 22 year old guy. He has talked about reenlisting and he's also talked about coming home to go to college. Whatever his choice, I know his decision will be made with wisdom and careful thought. That's the way he is. That's the way he always has been. I'm very proud of him and elated he's coming home!
~Cindy Lainez, True Story of a Military Mom with Ties in Nebraska (Currently living in Golden, Colorado)
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